Up until now it feels like we’ve always done everything together. It feels like we’ve always been a family of 5.
Of course, I know that’s simply not true. I think it just feels this way so acutely right now because things are changing again and it’s been awhile since we had to go through it. Change ain’t easy, even when you know it’s coming.
This week, we are traveling in California. And, on this trip, it’s painfully clear that something big is missing. Change is happening and it’s hard to come to grips with it.
The Jacobs Fab 5 is currently operating as the Fearless Core 4. In another few days, we will simply be the Remaining Free, Just Us 3.
I can remember when our youngest child Henry was born and our Jacobs Party of 4 would need to be a Table for 5. We decided we were going to still travel across the United States undeterred by the fact that Henry was only going to be 3 months old. We would boil his bottles in hotels with a stove along the way. We would squeeze him into his rear facing car seat and entertain him while we put in the long miles. We would pull over and change his diapers at rest areas. It wouldn’t be carefree and easy but we would do it! We determined to not let this little change in our lives, this little obstacle of having a newborn impact our desire to see the country. The Jacobs Party of 4 would transform to the Fab 5 on the road!
That summer, we made it as far as Tennessee. In Nashville, we decided we were not going to be able to drive any further west. We would not accomplish our goal of getting to California. The change of the new baby was too much too soon. We turned the car around and headed East to the Smoky Mountains. We rented a cabin, chilled for a week, and counted our blessings and dreamed of future travels together.
And travel we did. We made it to 47 of the 50 states together…only 3 more to go!
But life is changing fast again. Our two older children are set to graduate from college this June on the same weekend. Our days of traveling the country together as a unit will now be subject to job schedules, future partners, changing motivations, and so many of life’s other demands upon our time. I wonder how long it will take us to get to those final 3 states...together.
Watching this new change occur in real time on our current trip has been much harder than I anticipated.
It’s not easy to witness something you have poured your heart and soul into each day for years evolve before your eyes, even if those changes are natural. Even if those changes are bringing the children you raised into their new adult lives in the positive directions you hoped they would go. Even if you helped raise good human beings who will be gainfully employed and living in world class cities with new opportunities. Change is still hard. And just like when that baby entered our world 11 years ago and we had to adjust, we will do it again. I hope.
This week we are traveling around California checking out our daughter’s current and future home. California has so much to offer and we are so grateful she is deciding to give the Bear State Republic a go after spending her college years at UCLA. It’s been a true blessing to see the Santa Monica mountains, the beaches at Malibu, and the seemingly dozens and dozens of neighborhoods quilted together that collectively make up Los Angeles. Beverly Hills, Hollywood, Bel Air, Santa Monica, and Downtown are just some of the cool spots we’ve seen in the past 48 hours. Michelle will probably be able to write for a month or two about California. It truly has everything.
But something is definitely different about this trip. Something is missing.
Are we still having fun? Absolutely! Are we blessed beyond measure to spend this time together vaccinated and able to travel again as we hope the US finally pushes into a post Covid way of life? Without a doubt. We are some of the luckiest human beings on the planet.
But what’s painfully missing is our oldest son, Jack. He is in school in New Hampshire finishing out his final term at Dartmouth. He is pushing through temperatures in the 30s as we galavant around California loving the blue sky and feeling the radiant sun. We all miss him. I’m not sure we all knew how much we would. I keep looking for him. I’ve called Henry “Jack” a few times already. Change is happening again and it’s never easy. We’ve been a squad of 5 for so long now it just felt like something that would always be.
But we know what’s occurring...just like a new baby changes things, those babies eventually grow up. They actually do finally become adults and have to take on responsibilities and make lives of their own.
The easy days of piling us all into the car to hit the road or on a plane to go see America together are coming to an end. It will be much harder to travel together in the coming years and months but I hope we will all commit to making it happen.
And until the Fab 5 ride again, we will cherish our memories and the incredible experiences we shared together. The Core 4 still have some more exploring to do for at least a few more days. Then the Remaining Free, Just Us 3 will have to blaze some new paths of our own.
I find myself in a new type of sadness when I think of the kids growing and dispersing into adulthood... change as you say is DEFINITELY not easy for me at all... but reading this somehow has put my mind at ease... helping me realize we’ve done our jobs,helped them become contributing beautiful humans and I thank you for helping me feel even a bit better about letting go❤️ Thank you!! It’s so nice to feel not alone when it comes to new chapters and trying to keep family together whenever it’s possible.
I love your stories. And being childhood friends makes it all the better. Thanks Chris and Michelle for sharing your adventures. See you soon, I hope!! ❤️